Breakthrough?
I had an interesting moment. I was reading up on some theory, Habermas to be precise, and I had one of those moments where a lot of what I’d read previously slotted into place. Not just course work but pleasure reading. That moment where you get the point of not just what you are reading at that moment but the connections with all those other things – to be specific in this instance but not exclusive histories of social/ communal-religious puritan groups such as the Shakers and Weber/ modern thought – that you have read piecemeal in the past because they looked interesting. But of course unless you live in ‘I can be a purely objective scientist’ fantasy land, at least in the social sciences – Habermas again has something to say about that to do with the necessary use of the ordinary language being studied – you sometimes think how it relates to the evolution of your own thought, your beliefs (or you should – the ‘is’ and the ‘ought’). But that was not the breakthrough, it was a breakthrough, a minor one of sorts in my own theoretical preferences, but not the one this post is about.
As I was thinking to myself, ‘now I understand all those things I’ve read’, one of my voices spoke up: ‘You mean, we’ve read.’ At first I had my normal paranoiac/ telepathic moment – that’s someone telepathically linked to me letting me know they’ve read up on this too, stop fucking preaching (a weakness of mine) – but then I realised, no, for the first time, that I was aware of, or rather, or perhaps, the first time I was aware that, my voices were telling me they were a part of me.
Then I looked out of the window and a guy was walking past giving me the evils – did he know I was being so foolish? But no, he was the same guy who had been delivering leaflets while I was walking my son to sleep earlier, he was delivering pizza menus. He put one through my front door. I don’t eat pizza.
[edit] Rereading this I got a voice saying ‘Oh jeez, we’re not’ but was it telling me it was separate or was it the voice’s own terrified realisation that they are a part of me?
